Feeling lousy.

I lost my patience today. Though I pretty much didn't mean to. I was just... being terribly selfish again. I guess.

How do I become Christ-centred when all I think about is Me, Myself and I.
It just gets harder and harder.

We went out to eat breakfast today and everyone had their own agenda. My mom wanted to buy foodstuff cuz she wanted to cook for dinner. My sister was tired of the heat and wanted to go home. I wanted to just walk around and visit all the weird places and my dad... was there trying to please all of us.

I wonder why he does it. Why he tries so hard to please all of us when he knows... that's its goingto hurt. That we are most likely going to take his loving actions for granted. That all we are ever going to do is throw tantrums and complain. Then I'll see the hurt in his eyes.

God reminded me when the ordeal was over, when I sat in the car on the way home. To treat others, better than oursleves.

It felt so terrible. So heart wrenching. So painful. I wanted to cry then and there. But society doesn't allow it. I couldn't cry in front of people. It just isn't allowed.

I held my tears back, took a deep breath and wiped my already-wet-eyes dry.

It felt like all the knowledge of what God had done, about leading a good christian life, had been flung out of the window of a moving car. Into the deep blue sea.

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Lord, teach me to live a life worthy of you. To grow in your likeness. To most importantly first deny myself, then to carry my cross and to faithfully follow you.